RUSH ✴

Desires.

Loving someone means risking everything but it’s always worth it. Love costs all we are, and will ever be. Only love sets us free.

The much i have learned is that true love cannot be bought, forced, or borrowed. All that can be earned needs to be worked for.

I felt the rain on my face,, and I felt it so pure and so devine, if only you was with me, To feel the magic of the moment, Peace at Heart, The joy brought about, The much i have yearned for his presence,, Close to him, to feel him near, , To kiss him and feel the tenderness of his lips on mine,, To feel the burn of his desires on my body, His embrace,, His gentleness, , calmness,, the peace he brings to my soul,, I want to love you,, Desire you,, A love arrow upon a mortal heart,, It beats,, It heats,, In a bid to reach the opposite heart, To cool off the heats and throbs, , I still find each day too short for all thoughts I want to have of you,, All the walks I want to take with you,, All the books I want to write about you,, And for all the friends I want you to see and meet,, My love for you is designed to not be a problem but a reality to be experienced , I still find the days left too little to achieve this .
Your love gives me a correct view of life.

Through you I learn to see the world in it’s true light. ((Only for you – phyllisia Rosa)). You have enabled me to live pleasantly, to do good and when summoned away to leave without regret.

They say that life gives you a fairytale at one point in time. And I myself believe that you only meet that soulmate once in a lifetime. Whether it works out or not, be great full that you found and felt love.

I’m here entangled in this thoughts already picturing a future bound together, is my heart too hasty or do I just feel too much? ? love comes at its own time.The desires of the heart cannot be spelt out or dictated. They are only felt, shared and experienced. The love strong as it may be,, I’m afraid for you my dear lover,

I feel like at one point, , the love so pure, so kind will create a limbo for you.

A limbo you cannot escape or run away from. When my Demons begin to haunt and terrorise me, When my roots will start plucking off,, when my eyes will turn to Misissipi, when my heart will result to blood waterfalls. When i can no longer stand but just stumble.,, But this limbo dear lover, this limbo. My heart pleads for an erase of my soul.

¶~VOID

I can’t feel my face. My reality is turning blur. I lay down in bed every night, but I still can’t get a single inch of sleep. My Demons wake and frustrate me through the night. I need an anchor of safety because I might just drown in this memories. I am breathing but my soul is departed. There is This anguish within me that brings about pain that is beyond handling. I feel the need to explain to me why things happen the way they did ten years ago, but I still can’t find the right words and answers for me right now. It’s in a moment of despair I seek refuge, I seek consolation, I seek peace. My agony is beyond bearing and I feel like in moment of silence I will explode and break walls that defile me.

Unjustified, that’s what my emotions comprehend. Wronged that’s what my heart claims, abused that’s what my brain confirms. Walking at a dead end Street is the vivid thought I repeatedly keep conforming to. It’s like I’m Sinking at an ocean without a bottom. The pain destroys and alters all my functioning. I have stepped in a world that is brutal and impure. A place I’m even afraid to explore and adventure. The fear of the past repeating itself is creating a prison within me. For the fear of social appraisal, I accept fates jurisdiction.

At times in life, it’s going to get hard. You will feel like you want to just die and leave all your problems here on earth. But that’s just a feeling and it will never be a solution.

But then again people tend to forget that God gives you the challenge and no matter how it may come, He is still there because He is the one that put you through it. ((2 Peter 1:4~He has granted to us His unexceedingly great and precious promises) ).

I’m trying to talk and connect to somebody somewhere. Its normal in life that you will go through dark moments and dark days, if you feel the need to cry just cry because it is okay and things don’t always have to go as you have planned and that’s okay,, , it’s definitely okay. ((Psalms 30:5~Weeping may endure for a night but His joy comes in the morning) ) But then again Christ is said to bring light to those in darkness.

Define your moments but Let God do the judgment. You may be there going through alot, and that’s what life entails, but God has a purpose for you ((1 Peter 5:7~casting all you anxieties to Him because He cares)) You might be struggling to get that job you want so much, that school you want to go to so much, that car you want to drive, those pains you want to get rid off, that house you want, that family you dream of but He has a reason why you’re not there at that point yet. Let’s just say it’s like business. You need to have inputs to get outputs. You need to believe, pray, have faith in God and such things… Because if ever asked, , will your faith ever nullify God’s faithfulness? You need to have trust that today’s trials lead to tomorrow’s maturity.

I am at a certain place In life that I can confidently proclaim to you, if you’re not working hand in hand with God((Psalms 116:2~Because He bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I breath) ) , you have no reason to complain about what you’re going through. He clearly says in mark 11:28(Whatever you ask for in prayer,, Believe you have received it and it will be yours.) if you are not talking to Him and He is the father, to whom shall you run to? ? Alcohol? Boyfriend or girlfriend? Cigarettes? Drugs? At the end of the day all these are just temporary solutions. You need something solid and firm. A daily response and confirmation to all your problems. If not that void will keep growing deeper and wider.

@_that_chiq_zuhura_

DREAM GIRL.

All eyes on me, props up. Qualify for your position in one’s life.

So many girls out here are literally killing themselves to make themselves noticeable by this so called crowd(male species)

I’m criasly questioning you, do you have to? Do you need to? But why?

Sweetheart I’m here to tell you they like it as it is. As much as they love seeing you all powdered and bleached at the end of the day baby doll he and they want you just for you.

Being an frican is a blessing, I don’t understand how you embrace what the western peoples’ doing. You’re in a Africa for a reason and you need to embrace the fact that you even have an opportunity to exist. I mean black is and always will be beautiful.

I’m not against you trying to look “beautiful” for your aimed target or trying for example to be the dream girl of someone else but you need to have limits. Like you need to get to a certain point and acknowledge that you’re overdoing things, that you need to take a chill.

Since you’re soo much into beautifying yourself what else can you do apart from looking in the mirror all day?

Any normal male species is going to take a girl who’s preserved over that “I wana go out and have fun with you all the time” girl. They definately won’t tell you but that’s the joy of any man, to come home and find your both beautiful and dinner made just for him. I don’t mean to say looking beautiful for your man is wrong. … As a matter of fact, , always up how you do it all the time , but now my question is your face what you gona bring to bring to him when he’s hungry.

I’m trynah teach you something,, , find your extra qualities.. This is like a job application… We all can get the job because we have the basics of education (we all can get a guy because we are female) but now my question, what other quality qualifies you for the job? (apart from your physical appearance, what else qualifies you to be that girl he dreams about?)

Be a lady that a man literally prays and thanks God for. I hope my point was driven home.

Keep your man happy,, like don’t be be a pain in the ass, push him to cheat (actually it’s finding someone better than you) then start complaining. … I mean girl what the heck are you doing ? Guys literally hate chiqs who do all the winning and nagging….
Give him his space, once in a while let him breathe, let him have fun with his boys, let him chill out and feel free… Don’t keep your guy hostage in your own relationship, you will end up single before you know it.. Make him coffee some time and just remind him how lucky he is that he has you but in the middle of it all don’t look desperate swthrt. I’m not a life coach, and I’m not trynah sort out relationships…. I’m bringing out the obvious to the lime light.

Be a dream girl not a nightmare.

@_that_chiq_zuhura_

THOUGHT.

Because it will pass, like your friends told you it would. It will pass like it always does, like it’s meant to pass. It will pass and that’s alright.

Because love arrives exactly when it’s supposed to and leaves exactly when it must. It doesn’t matter whether or not you live happily ever after… What matters is that it happened. .

@_that_chiq_zuhura_

||CREATIONS ||

Condescending.

If you’re reading this, I hope you’re reading it as you. The first person.

Because I’m talking to you. That somebody, that someone who needs a saving at a precise moment.

It took time for me to come down, and relax, and to just think of something to write about. I’m too random, so you’ll realise coming up with a topic is hard, because I’m not restricted to just one thing.

I’m intrigued by how people are these days. People are not engaging in their lives anymore, they don’t care what happens, it’s like no one has goals anymore. Far from that I’m here today to tell you, having a goal is the most important thing in life. You need things to inspire you to be a better person to the society out there. It’s not about going to school, it’s not about having that job, it’s actually what you do, to get there, (where you want to be) that’s my ideal defination of a goal. People wil describe it as something else, and that’s okay.. Because our levels of understanding are different

HOW TO GET THERE.

• Self-discipline.

It all comes down to discipline. You need it.Generally if you want to be someone important In life , you need to have very high levels of discipline. It’s technically the self drive within you. . It pumps your going on. It’s a key to what needs and what needs not to be done. How it will and should be done. How you’ll get there and attain your main objective. Give or take. :if jesus christ himself had the Self-discipline of his morals and avoided getting into temptation… There is no human on earth who can tell me otherwise. If you have that Self-discipline in you, there is no way you’ll ever let your guard down. Your morals and principles will always be in check and your goals in mind 24/7 and makes sure you get everything done. (take it from Nelson Mandela). If your principles are saying no, then just don’t.

• Focus.

You need to be in constant check of what you want. Be like in ten years I wana have this, that and soo much more. It strengthens your mentality to hold on to that hope that one day one time you’ll achieve all that. Focus on both long term and short term goals. You can’t want to be a pilot, then end up being a delivery man. Yes you have achieved One objective, getting a job, but you’re far from attaining your goal because you didn’t keep focus on what you want. Having to set your goal is imperative to staying focused on it. Bond with your goal, this will not only help you better your understanding but will help you relate to it clearly. To some point it will cultivate the kind of interest and attention on your goal. It maintains your stability on how you attain your goal to complete satisfaction. Naturally you’ll have problems and set backs, along the way as you pursue your goal, it will kinda pull you Back Yes, but staying focused will help you overcome this hurdles. If you have the attitude of” you can always get what you want, “then there is nothing you won’t achieve in this world if you put your mind to it..

||FROZEN ||°

CROWDED STREET. §

Somewhere hidden…. . I hear the isabella song, and all I think of is you. I’m alone and yet I feel like there is a whole mob watching my imaginations. It feels like am on a path leading to unending revelations. A day of just watching the sunset and moonlight… Wherever I’m standing I can’t take my thoughts for granted.
My creations are a perfect coordination of my ambitions. Satisfaction of my love construction vision.

Able to gamble with the unloveable. Without any reasonable doubt, I qualify as the most comfortable spot for your vulnerable heart.

Redemption.

I woke up this morning with a number of choices to make. It’s just this one time you wake up and feel you need to get your Shit together because you feel like you’ve been doing the wrong stuff all through.

I have defined my life as my own personal mystery that needs no explanation to any single human. . Like the fuck your life should not be anyone’s business or priority. Stepping on a new stone and it feels like you gaht control over almost about everything.
It reaches a point you need to start making cuts and redefining better choices for yourself,. Realise what the fuck you have . What’s real, what’s fake, what’s gonna stay and what’s going to leave when the time is up.
You’ll have vipers hissing around you all the time. They’re your so called friends, imposed ‘sisters and bros’. This doesn’t just happen in the movies.. It’s real and when you get to go through it you’ll get the whole point. They’re gonna act like they care about the Shit you go through. You’ll fuck with them thinking they real hommies who’ gonna stick with you through the good and bad . Fuck, Shit happens and blows up on your face, when you realise they either didn’t care enough or all that was just for show.
They get your benefits so they’ll always stick around. They’re so fake.
Well this is going to fit so many people 😂😂but honestly I really don’t care, because shoving the truth down the drain every time ain’t cool. If you don’t feel the vibe, you gaht to step back, re-evaluate your Shit then come back to your senses and don’t mess another person’s life because you’re confused About your so called emotions .

It’s gonna hurt, yeah. Like you’ gonna break down, but listen it’s okay. Its fucking okay to even cry about it, because at one point if you don’t cry about it, you’ll eventually have to talk about it. Later on, you gonna thank God they told you the damn truth.
Definition of real is just honesty. If they’re honest with you then you definitely know where your loyalty lies. If life gives you a lesson to learn, the Fuck!! take it as an opportunity to improve yourself for the next misstep you’d have made. You need to make alot of wrong choices to realise good when you see it. You’ll get disappointed along the way, like a whole lot, but that’s why we call it life. My only problem with humans is repeating the same mistake a million couple of times. Like what the fuck?! Don’t you ever learn something from the the previous? Why do you keep messing your future with inappropriate irrelevant issues. Making people who don’t even deserve to be an issue in your life a priority. I would call it lack of common sense but someone will be quick to jump at this and claim that they’ are human, and that’s what humans do. But listen, until the day you’ll realise the only person you gaht is you and not the crowd, you’ll keep repeating the same Shit the crowd does. Hello?! Is someone listening to me out there!?.

SUBMISSION 💋

Affection💏

1.|She just wants to be the girl you talk about all the time.

2.|She wants to be the one to make your heart beat like crazy.

3.|She just wants you to turn to your friends and say “that’s her”.

. |Every girl is that girl to someone.

4.|Go for it whether it ends good or bad, it was an experience .

5.|Don’t wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect yourself.

6.|Don’t waste sunsets with people who’ll be gone by sunrise.

7.|Nobody can take away your pain, so don’t let anyone take your happiness away.

8.|FACT:
All she wants is to cuddle with you, sit on the coach all cuddled up with you and watch your favourite movie with you and then go to bed with you maybe listening to your favourite album with you and jump around with you, and then we get tired of that, we could fall asleep on the floor with pillows everywhere and put my face on your chest and just make you feel loved. It doesn’t have to be all about intimacy baby. I can love you in a millions way and you’re going to love it.

9.|Be her Romeo.
She just wants someone who’ll kiss her when she’s mad and let her cry in front of him. Watch scary movies with her and hold her hand real tight even if it’s sweaty and tell her she’s beautiful no matter what she looks like. Let her steal your sweaters so she can sleep with their smell on her skin. Laugh at the same things she does and just never let her go No matter how hard she’ll try to push you away.

10.|Be a priority not a choice. Don’t be someone else’s half time, downtime or sometimes.

11.|Love the heck out of each other.

~find your keeper.

SORCERY.

My enigma.
An emotional imbalance of multiple personas. An adrenaline that makes life worth living. My enigma.
Everything in life has it’s mysteries and codes… Like there are some things just too puzzling to even figure out their true identity. Enchanted by the benevolence of his pure heart. He said I’ll make you my world. We will overcome it all. We will make it. They all seem like just mere peep talk but to someone it comes as a heavy weight depending on the intensity of the emotion.

He is my adrenaline. He’s my pure paradox. I want him but I can’t be with him. He makes me happy and sad at the same time. There is a feeling to which is aroused any moment he comes to sight. But then again he’s my mystery… An incomplete puzzle I can’t comprehend. It’s been so well said that the emotion blinds. I agree to it. My thoughts can’t fathom. I can’t think straight. He sends my mind into a complete numb state… I love it and hate it. It compels me to think he has pure control over me. Like my own muse.

The world is non-existent when he’s around. But then again my mama said, if you love someone or something, it’s going to hurt , it’s going to hurt you deep, if it doesn’t hurt you then you don’t love it at all. Now i tend to think anything emotional has a negative impact, however, it’s just a thought. Ever thought if you had your own life to live, without disturbance, without fear, pain of getting hurt, fear of disappointment… This is how I pictured a life full of emotion.

Wouldn’t it just be great?what an amazing world it would be? How complete would you be? How happy would you be? It sinks me into a straight confined depression to think it will never be.

When you uncover all your emotions and want the world to know. Deep inside you feel like a metamorphosed caterpillar. A little butterfly that wants to flap it wings… Accepted to and by the world. Nobody can see what you’re going through.. But even if they did, they will never figure out why it is the way it is…

He awakens in me the desire to be who I want to be in life. He suffocates me in the quest to seek complete affection. It’s a wanting feeling. It’s a jurisdiction. It’s a conviction. It’s a sentence to your death. Maybe I’m searching for an emotion I can’t have… And just maybe only he can make me understand myself to complete perfection

I know I’m not good for you but I don’t want you for anyone else… I can’t make you as happy as you wish you would be but I also don’t want someone else to do it in my place. I want to be there for you but I know I’ll never be available when you need me. I can’t be your wife but I would want you to propose to me someday. It hurts me inside that I’m such a turmoil and no one, not even you can

See through me

It breaks me that my wish cannot come to pass, but yet again it gives me the strength to depart from that which engulfs my life around it . If I let you go, will I be able to survive? Will I be able to make it to another century?? Will my sacrifice be worth it? Will you be happy that I did that.? Is it the best price to get for loving you??
Turmoil, turmoil, turmoil… That’s the state you’ve created in me. I can’t discover myself. I’m falling from my existence and I have no idea what awaits me when I get down.

Another day, another night, another week, another month, it’s almost an year and I’m drifting from sanity… Try to pretend you’re okay but we all know your world is crushing. It’s tumbling down into small tiny pieces that even you can’t get hold of.. Sad part is you’re watching it crumble

And you can do nothing about it.

I hoped we’d make a home. A family full of joy. You’d cuddle me every night and I would tell you how my day was. You’d make me breakfast every morning before I got up .. I thought we would be happy. You’d drop me off work and pick me up in the evening. I thought that the ideal exemplary couple was me and you.

How you defended me from all the harm and evil…. Your protection that began to sink into my skin. Your love outdid my skin odour. How you made the World a better place to be…

All the dates and the hangouts.. How we played with each other. Teased each other . Made fun. You made the life I had important for as long as it existed. But maybe I was a mistake and all this were just supposed to be memories. A phase that I was to go through in my life, but with you is where I’d rather be

And that’s just how it is.

But now you’re just a mystery, I have exploited and each time I get new discoveries that are supposed to pull me away from you but they make me think of you second after second, minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day…. You slowly

become my infinity and beyond…

If it was in my capability, I would build a universe right here.. For you and me. Where the world would disappear. And I would have you near. But i have to be far from you to make it better. That’s how it goes. It’s daylight and I feel like I’m a hundred feet below the earth surface..

What is it that you do to me?

But maybe then I won’t find out …. And it’s better that way….

SOVEREIGN.

Ghosts Habitation

Life as a paradox.
Has there been a one time that you just didn’t know what do with your own life?? More like nothing was falling into place.. It all just submerges at a distance away before you get to really know what’s happening. It’s not sadness neither is it pain… It’s that undefined emotion which one can’t even comprehend. It’s like for a moment something else rules you and takes control of your life by just the snap of a finger.

The good news is, it won’t last forever.. But the sad part is that you’re going to be destroyed before it’s even complete or accomplished.
I’m talking about an inner struggle.. Pains of life. Battles we fight everyday to overcome. At one point in life I thought that death could be my way out. You know when you have so many problems and you just want to leave this earth with all your problems on it,, well yeah.. But the only way to do so is through death.
So let’s not talk about that for now…… ***
What led me to this choice rather should be the interesting part. My life however much i like to keep it personal.. I have to share my experiences with people out there so that they can At least know they are not the only ones going through such an episode.

A friend of mine once told me that problems come in phases… After a while I took affirmation in this because problems come at a particular moment. They’ll not last forever but just for a short while. After all that it’s going to be okay. It will be fine.

***
I had this friend called Alicia. She’s not the “everyone’s favourite” kinda person. Why is this?? Because Alicia is different and not everyone can understand this. She’s reserved, likes her things in place.. She wants things to be done in her own way. Most people wouldn’t like to be bossed around but this was a trait she couldn’t overcome. She starts loosing friends because no one wants to be told what to do. You know, I appreciate her because it’s a uniqueness. Maybe this was a way she prepared herself for the future.
Yet again in her preparation for an uncertain future she’s loosing soo much on her present .
I don’t mean to be judgemental but one has to make exceptions when it comes to certain things. It has reached a point no one wants to associate with her. But yet again it’s not her fault.
But the society is at fault too. Why can’t such people be accepted for who they are and just be treated as normal equals??? I wonder too. But do not worry.. You were born that way for a purpose and a reason and no one is this entire universe can take that from you. 😀

***
I was once at a brink of death due to depression. I will tell you this firmly that depression can kill you. It can break every ounce of life left in you slowly by slowly.
My all time topic. Love.
This four letter words that I wish never existed. When you loose a love to another is the beginning of all inner fights.
Most of you pretend to be strong and durable….. But we all know you break at some point and have to let it out…
You begin to question very many things.. Was i not good enough for them??don’t i deserve his love and so much more….. Well you will ask the question… But you’ll never get the replies.. This is the point you begin sobbing, crying out and letting out your emotions….. One guy told me that “big boys” Don’t cry…… I would say that’s the dumbest thing to be uttered by any full grown man. Because crying has even been scientifically proven as a way to ease depression.
If you don’t take control of this feeling.. It will suppress you and take control of you. You will repeatedly think your self into a sad mood.